People thrive when they accomplish things. Accomplishment is a root source for feeling self-confident and self-assured. Unfortunately, some leaders employ a destructive shortcut in attempting to accomplish a team task. The leader mistakenly confuses his or her need to be right with making smart business decisions.
The need to be right is an essential human need that one must fill on a consistent basis.
Think of needs as a savings account where you have a minimum amount you must maintain. If above the minimum amount, the need is satisfied and exerts no influence. If it is below, the need starts to take over your life. Again, needs are neither good nor bad – they simply MUST be filled. Your task is to identify your needs and then consistently satisfy them.
Here are some suggestions to help you fill your own need to be right. Always start with your personal life! If you successfully get all of your needs met in your personal life, you’ll find it effortless to succeed in business.
Where do you have the most turmoil in your life?
Make a list of all the situations where you are experiencing turmoil. Then determine to what degree you must express your need to be right in each situation. For me, I always had to do it “my way”. This started early (Mom says at 3 yrs. old) and did not abate until in my early 40s. Neither business nor personal life was easy for me yet I stubbornly clung to doing it my way. I can now trace the need to be right as one root source for almost every major challenge in my life.
What is the cost of being right?
Every time we make a choice, there is an opportunity cost. Choosing A means that you can’t choose B – the opportunity cost is not being able to choose B. Each time you express the need to be right, there is a cost. This cost must be factored in to the decisions you make.
How do you fill the need to be right?
1. Make a list each day of the things you were right about (both big and small). Write down at least 5 – 10 things each day for a 21-day period. You will be surprised to see how much influence the need to be right has on your life.
2. Ask people to participate in supporting you to fill your need to be right. Filling your need to be right is funny – it does not care how you satisfy it, only that it is satisfied. Make an agreement with close friends and family to tell you daily that you are right about one thing each day for a two week period. Ask them to identify one thing, big or small, that you are right about and call you or leave a voicemail for you each day (you can go to text/email later).
At some point, the acknowledgement will be different for you. Imagine the feeling of eating a second dessert when the first was enough. Have your support network continue this process so you can experience what it is like to have this need satisfied. My big ah ha was discovering that being right and making good choices are not necessarily connected. Write down what ever you learn and remember this.
3. Help someone else fill their need to be right. This is a crucial step to becoming a respected leader! There are two sides to a coin and this allows you to see what someone else goes through as they satisfy their need to be right. This is the learning you’ll carry into leading meetings by phone, conference call, and webinar.
As humans, we have it internally wired that our need to be right is somehow connected to make smart choices. Sometimes is it yet most often it is not. Once you get your need to be right filled, you’ll find making smart decisions much easier and leading people in meeting nearly effortless.
You have two distinct choices here: work on it now or work on it later. I heartily recommend the now option. Find a good coach and handle it now.
Posted by Byron Van Arsdale
Twitter: @headset
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